Hot to Trot: How to be a Trotter

There's no fool like an old fool. And there's no old fool quite like our Del Trotter. The world has come a long way since 1981 when he first bumbled onto our small screens. But good ol' Del hasn't changed a bit. And we love him for it. So pour yourself a Pina Colada and pay your respects by following our golden rules on How to Be a Trotter...

Only Fools Christmas

Rule One: Family is gold

Through the trouble, disappointments, broken chandeliers and foiled get-rich-quick schemes, one thing remains constant: the Trotters stick together. So gather your relatives round the telly this weekend for a lesson in family ties.

Rule Two: Have wheels, will travel

Why fuss with power steering and heated seats when you could ride around in the glamour of a three-wheeled Robin Reliant? Del's car is arguably more famous than the man himself. It's impossible to miss, what with "Trotters Independent Traders - New York, Paris, Peckham" emblazoned on the side.

Rule Three: Talk is never cheap

Some men were born with the gift of the gab. The rest of us need to practice. So take some tips from the master as we catalogue Del's wittiest witticisms and cleverest comebacks!

Rule Four: Try try again

No doubt about it, Del is no quitter. If there's a hare-brained scheme to be hatched, the Trotters have had a crack. Pre-blessed church wine, anyone? How 'bout a bottle of Peckham's finest spring water? No matter how many failures they chalk up, Del never ever gives up.

Rule Five: Behind every great man

Rodney and Del are undoubtedly an incomparable pair. But life got much sweeter when they joined forces with two great women. The addition of Cassandra, Raquel (and Baby Damon) to their lives gave them even more reasons to become millionaires.

Rule Six: Keep your cool

Did you just fall on your head in front of some fine ladies? Or maybe you smashed a priceless chandelier? Are the cops on your tail and wolves howling at the door? Slap on a cheeky grin, pour a cool cocktail and act like life couldn't be sweeter. Lovely jubbly!

Rule Seven: A friend in need is a friend indeed

The Trotter's number one secret to success is to surround themselves with a gang of half-wits so hopeless they make the Trotters seem like Socrates and Plato. Which is why we're capping our Trotter weekend with an extra-special tribute to Boycie, Trigger, Mike, Denzil and Mickey Pearce.

**Now that you know the rules, hatch a get-rich-quick scheme of your own. By this time next week we'll all be millionaires!