Funniest modern cracker jokes revealed

Top 10 side splitters that won our funniest joke of 2013 Twitter competition.


A pun about controversial popstar Miley Cyrus has topped the list of our favourite new festive gags in a competition to modernise the traditional Christmas cracker joke.

Also staking a claim in the Top 10 are witticisms about the Queen, speed dating and eBay, with laughs about Harry Styles, Shakespeare and Fairy Liquid just missing out on the top spots.

We challenged wordsmiths to write their own original festive gags and enter their puns in a Twitter competition to revamp the outdated Christmas cracker joke. And a poll of 2000 decided on the best.

Funniest joke winners

1. What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas? Twerky. (23%)

2. Why did no-one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer. (20%)

3. Mary and Joseph - now they had a stable relationship. (15%)

4. What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast? The One Show. (14%)

5. What did Santa do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker. (13%)

6. Why don't you ever see Santa in hospital? Because he has private elf care. (13%)

7. How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born? They had a weigh in a manger. (12%)

8. Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars? Because their days are numbered. (11%)

9. How do you know if Santa's been in your garden shed? You've got three extra hoes. (10%)

10. Why was the Brussels sprout sent to prison? Because it was a repeat offender. (9%)

You can even enjoy explaining to nan whilst tucking into the turkey what ?twerking? is as these are now for sale - buy your box of modern crackers>>